Celadon Eyes

My green eyes had the chance to mix with the waves on Malibu indigo beach exactly 4 years apart. Four years.

My green eyes saw differently then… freshly stained with tears of grief, seeing hope for a new life, and admittedly blind to how much I still needed to be held and comforted from the 4 year war of my late husband’s cancer journey.

My sadness spilled over the rest of me like the waves of the ocean. The years of hard decisions, life and death, heavy and crashing. He wasn’t cured and I was left to cure myself. I still don’t know the cure, but one thing I learned is that we are whole in the rough, natural, uncured versions of ourselves.

I learned to remind myself daily that I am the ocean and the waves crash upon me in life not to consume me; I consume them. I engulf them until they are a part of me creating a bigger and more vast version of myself.

I don’t judge the waves for good or bad anymore. They come as they are and instead of cringing or being afraid, I engulf them and they automatically contribute to my vastness. They even detoxify my stagnant energy. I am the wave and the wave a part of me as I intentionally ride the next four years of life by reminding myself every day that the ocean can be calm and earth-shattering, and it’s ALL beautiful.